WHO ARE YOU:
I’m Denise. I live in Austin. I am mysterious, and I like to smoke.
I blog around …
I used to work at a cigar shop. The boxes at the back are the cigars in that store in Austin, TX – which is located in a coffee shop behind a strip club (with whom the shop is not affiliated).
Anyway, I used to work there selling people cigars and other loverly tobacco products. I cut sticks, “rip into the occasional customer,” and try to keep the place tidy. I left for many reasons; but on good terms – so I still hang out there a lot. It was mostly to pursue my own goals.
I don’t smoke quite as much as I did, so I enjoy it five times as much.
WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO REVIEW? DO YOU SMOKE THESE THINGS?:
Yes, like I said I smoke cigars. I learned a lot about them. They are tasty.
Wait a second … aren’t you a girl???:
Oh come on, it’s almost the year we make contact. Girls can smoke cigars. I read a lot about cigars as well … My husband has a subscription to a ton of cigar magazines. He printed out a bunch of other things for me to read too, when I worked at the shop – so I could know what I was talking about.
REALLY?
Yes. Really.
OKAY, SO WHAT DO YOU LIKE?
I like Tatuaje, Cabaiguan (same guy as did the Tatuaje, in conjunction with El Ray de los Habanos), Perdomo, Don Pepin Garcia,(El Ray) the San Cristobals, the VSGs … quite a few other things. I’m not sure yet about some of the newer stuff. More to come … 
WHY?
Well, they’re bold, spicy, complex, tasty. They don’t taste like dirt. Sometimes cigars can taste like dirt (actually, that’s not always a bad thing, depending on what else they taste like, why they taste like dirt, how much they cost, and how long they tatsted like dirt and how far into the cigar they did it).
But these cigars I mentioned, they don’t. They’ve got both body (substance) … and personality.
WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?
I’m a musician who’s been living in Austin for thirty years. Wow. That’s scary. That’s a really long time. No wonder I took up smoking. I started off on Camel unfiltered when I was about 14. Probably unwise. I thought my boyfriend was cool. The cigarettes were toasty tasting and I pretended to inhale them for about a month before he caught on. The first time I did it I refused to choke.
When I am not being damn proud, I also enjoy procrastinating about my exercise programs, being a ridiculous foodie, websurfing for really bizarre stuff, and reading (and writing) … I really like science fiction. I’ve been writing the same book for about four years now. For a while now, I’ve thought about writing something each time I smoke. When I was cleaning out other people’s ashtrays I felt like I’ve was smoking unconsciously. I felt that was disrespectful to the cigars.
AREN’T CIGARS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR RELAXATION?
Yeah, a good point … like I said …
SO WHO’S THIS GUY ON HERE?
It’s Jay. He blogs more consistently than me. He works at the shop. Watch out for him. He’s dangerous
DO YOU ALWAYS TALK TO YOURSELF?
Yes. And to imaginary people as well. It is a problem sometimes. I was almost caught doing it at work a couple of times. Fear of arrest for muttering and random singing in the humidor while doing water refill went on the “For” side on the “For/Against” list I was making when I was trying to decide whether to quit the shop.
SO WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO REVIEW ANYTHING?
Abso-smurfley nothing. But I’ll do it anyway. As soon as I finish this smoke …
YOUR REVIEWS ARE RANDOM, DISORGANIZED, AND DON’T MAKE ANY SENSE. I’D LIKE TO PLAY GOLF NOW PLEASE.
Perhaps you’ll come to appreciate me with time. You might come to terms with it. Learn to skim through the articles, perhaps – much like you ride a cart through the golf course.
I’ve decided to simplify my reviews since I started the first couple. They take too long. From now on, they will all be “themed,” like the date one. It fits me better. It’s better than lists and categories. The way I had it before was too much like a “honey-do” list … and THAT’S not gonna work …
Of course, if I just HAVE to post anything superfluous (conversations, excessive detail about seeing Elvis emerge in an ash pattern) – those will be behind cuts. You shouldn’t have to waste away in boredom just for expediency’s sake!
I’ll be fair to the cigars still, even if I’m brief. No cigar should have to suffer if I’ve had a fight with my husband. Or if there’s a “relative in from out of town” (this is that last time I’ll mention my ragtime banjo playing uncle); and/or there have been several imbiciles in the store arguing over something stupid. No, I’m not going to be specific. They could be you. No, of course it’s not you. Occasionally, I will put good, or even bad “cigar conversations” behind a cut.
Then there will be “Peer pressure adjustments” (I’m a woman in a room-full-o-men, after all, from a fairly conservative recent background). So if I feel inclined to go all crazy over some Rocky Patel I don’t really like – I’ll take that into consideration … although it could go both ways; as happened on some of the Edges. I was set to sigh over them; and some of them had bloom! Then I’ll give scores in those other fun categories like “aroma,” “burn,” “smoke,” and “ash;” I’ll have a “room score;” (if the best conversation of my life is going on … that’s going to be improved by and improve my cigar. I once had an orgasmic little conversation about music school, of all things! – and that doesn’t normally happen to me. I was smoking a JJ Series, so I suppose that begins to explain a few things).
So now I think I’ve provided more than enough BS here for everyone to be satisfied. Over-satisfied and yawning, I’m sure. At least to know what I, at least, think these little guys taste like (and gals – personally I think the Cabaiguan Guapos Junior is one feisty little girl). I guess they can be different things to different people though. I’ve had some San Cristobals that were women, and some that were men.
I swear that the cigars will talk to you, if you listen
